One Big Illusion from 2011

Posted by on Nov 11, 2011 in Podcast | 4 Comments

I was preparing new podcast and found this one entitled One Big Illusion, still in my podcast editing directory. I check the date and I was shocked. It was from November 2011. I wonder, why I never published it? I was puzzled until I had listen to it. And listened again and again. It is a bit depressive, which is ok for November time, but it was too much for me.

You can think what? You spoke it in, right, How it can be too much? Well, I guess I have changed quite a lot in last three years. Looking back and listening myself I have to cut it down. I didn’t cut out small pieces, I just left last 3 minutes or so. It was just rambling on the same theme adding not much to it. I, however, kept the audio. It is extremely interesting to listen to yourself, much better then read myself. Certainly good experience for me.

Listen the podcast episode 10 – One Big Illusion:


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  1. New Old Podcast » Richard Vanek Photography
    Fri, 11. July , 2014

    […] I wonder how this will be handled by wordpress. I have found old recording for my podcast number 10. It was from rather long time ago. I have published it today, but with date back in 2011, when I recorded it. Because I do not want you to miss it, here is the link in case it gets filed back in 2011. So if you are curious in which state was my mind in 2011 here it is One Big Illusion from 2011. […]

  2. JPH
    Fri, 11. July , 2014

    Why should I do anything, if it has no purpose, no sense, no meaning? So, I do nothing. But, I am irritated by it, can’t stand it

    That part of your piece, for a moment I would have thought you were plagiarizing one of my handwritten journals, as it was pretty much in essence reiterated by me numerous times in my writings. To the point where it annoyed me, I annoyed me so much, that is the reason I stopped writing in them – I was irritated by/with, and couldn’t stand – me.

    I was/am so full blown, mule-headed stubborn, black and white, all or nothing, that if it isn’t by the way I deem acceptable to me, in any wand every way, I will not do it at all. So, instead of doing it anyway, in any means possible that I could and had… I just simply did absolutely mother f’n nothin’! And then b’d and complained that my life was not what I wanted, that I was not doing what I wanted to do… because I was hobbling and limiting myself from doing so, because it had to be me doing it MY WAY! My way, or no way. So again, I did – nothing. Just wasted time, space, breath, living.

    Do I still? I don’t know. Somewhat, but not so much. Time turns the firm hard-headedness of youth into the more bendable philosophy of older age. More compromise. Instead of taking on every little thing, I now pick and choose my battles… some things I am still headstrong and will not waver on. And to be able to handle and tackle those battles, I, compromise, and let other things go. The ol’ may have lost a battle or two, but am still winning the war, kind of thing. I guess…. I don’t know.

    • Richard Vanek
      Fri, 8. August , 2014

      You do not know how glad I am reading your comment, esspecialy the last paragraph. Somehow I missed it. At that day we traveled to Portugal for two weeks and I must have overlook the notification.

      As I wrote inmy today posts I am reading some interesting books recently. One is the book which set pretty interesting mirror to all my thoughts in this podcast. The books title is “Man’s search for Meaning” by Viktor E Frankl. I like to write one quote from it here for you Jeff, but it may sound bit tear out of content. He is talking about life in concetration camp during second World War from his own experience and from his view as psychiatrist before The War. Here is the quote:

      “What was really needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life. We had to learn ourselves “…”, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must, consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life untimately means taking the responsibillity to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfil the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.”

  3. Paul Politis
    Fri, 25. January , 2019

    Wow, just seeing this today, years and years after the fact. And imagine my surprise to hear myself mentioned!

    Richo, a lot has happened since those dark days, and we are communicating by email about these issues so I won’t go too much in details here, but I want to point out just how ridiculous and blind we all have been about these issues, fretting over all of this.

    You are right in the last thing you wrote: we have to take responsibility and go out and live our lives, that is how we find meaning and purpose.We find meaning and purpose in finding out what we value and enjoy, in what we find beauty in.

    But listen to what you wrote yourself: “Why should I do anything, if it has no purpose, no sense, no meaning? So, I do nothing. But, I am irritated by it, can’t stand it”

    LOL. So, at the very least, you do something so that you are not irritated. That sounds like as good a purpose as any to me. I am absolutely not being sarcastic, because as you know I struggled through all the same shit as you. What purpose are we expecting? Some God to come down and explain everything to us. How boring! There’s no fun or adventure in that.

    We find meaning by doing, and then reflecting, and then doing some more. We absolutely don’t find it by just doing half of that equation.

    The actual fun part is the act of discovering the meaning and purpose for ourselves, by doing. It’s true what they say: it’s not the destination, it’s the journey.

    Just go do what you enjoy and what makes you happy (being creative). Why is that not a sufficient purpose? What possible purpose could you imagine that would satisfy you beyond that?


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